If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
