omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
