he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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