He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
