I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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