do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
