Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
