Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
