I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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