White coat. Heels.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
