I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
