i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
