Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
