I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
