I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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