Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is wine microwaveable?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
