Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
