dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
