u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
