so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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