Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
