only if we run a train.
done.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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