porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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