I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
