now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
