were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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