Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
