I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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