If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
