All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
