Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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