The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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