If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
