Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
