I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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