I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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