I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Operation Purity has been aborted
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
