fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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