I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
