we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
