Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
