He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
