Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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