I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
