I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
