this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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