My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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