I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
