Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
