I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
