You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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