Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
