Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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