note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
